“How Do You Feel?”

“How Do You Feel?”

I must hear that question several times a day. Mostly from acquaintances trying to make conversation.  The default answer is, of course, “I’m fine.” (Which I have been told stands for- Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.,)

It makes me wonder what would happen if someone living in thie agony that is Chronic Pain answered truthfully…

“Oh, I spent the night vomiting from pain, how are you?”

“…About three seconds from crawling into my bedroom and putting the gun barrel back in my mouth.”

“Scared. And Alone. Please just sit quietly with me and hold my hand.”

“Tired. So very tired.”

“Like a failure, thanks for asking!”

“Like I’m never good enough anymore.”

“I feel like all of my good memories are behind me.”

These, and a thousand other variations on the same are all jumbled up inside my skull.

Sadly  “Fine.” is almost *NEVER* one of the first options.

I understand the need to remain convivial and pleasant, but I AM DYING IN AGONY HERE!

So…

I mostly don’t say much of anything at all….

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~ by daveprime on November 2, 2013.

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