The Darkened Path

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

I have been unable, for the past few months, to take those steps to move forward in my treatment.
I can’t seem to make the calls or appointments needed to further my treatment.
And I haven’t really been able to pin down why…

Perhaps it is just that I am so very tired of this.
I am ready to give up the fight, throw in the towel, let the curtain fall.
I have just about reached the point where I am beyond even caring anymore.
I have no energy left for the fight.
No fire to warm the dark.
No light to find the path.

Over the past year, I had my supports ripped out, and the pain won.
Not once, but every single day.
I spend most of my time either sitting very still whilst trying in vain
to distract myself from the agony,
or laying in bed trying to find the brief respite of sleep.

What I am doing is *not* “living”.
All I am doing is standing still. If that.

If past history is an indicator,
I am apt to get ill again soon.
Very ill.
And i just don’t have the strength left for
Any kind of struggle…

I still don’t know my path……
If there is even one to be found…..
I guess only time will tell…

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~ by daveprime on September 11, 2013.

One Response to “The Darkened Path”

  1. I feel the same way!!! Days go by and I don’t make the phone calls that I need to make to continue treatment and my husband does not understand why. I guess I am just tired of going through the motions only to get disappointed again by another doctor that tells me he cant help me. There has to be something in my hip that is causing so much pain!!! I don’t know why they can’t find it but I know in my heart there is something there. It is not in my head!!!!

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