The Battle Within…

There was a time I was not the man I am today…

Doing deals, making fistfuls of $$$,
Enjoying many of the “Fine things” in life…
Being in control of *most* things around me…
I was a cold-blooded shark amongst prey.
And I was Magnificent at it!

Over the past 25 years, I have striven daily to change.
To become something other than the Beast
That I am *Oh So Good* at being…

But always, just under the surface,
That … man… lurks.
Waiting for my will to falter.
Waiting for my strength to fade even the slightest bit….
Waiting to break Free once again.

Every day I battle that old will back down.
Bite back the words He would say…
Use every ounce of willpower to shut down
The physical reaction He would have.

I feel like it is a never-ending battle fought in vain…

And still ‘The Question That Must Not be Asked’
Buzzes silently just inside my skull…
And I fear the day I have no answer for Him.

I sit three feet back behind my own eyes watching things play out before me…
And Every day it becomes harder to rouse myself to any action.
To *life*.
Just over my left shoulder that Animal I Was
Screams and struggles to break free once again.

And I find myself growing a little weaker each day.
A little less able to prevent the inevitable….

And the Darkness rises…

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~ by daveprime on February 3, 2013.

One Response to “The Battle Within…”

  1. I sooooooo get it Dave. They are the demon within because we should always be reminded where the devil actually hides.Our pain and illness is definitely our biggest hurdle we jump nowadays but I think it’s harder to cope with who we used to be.

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