Teetering On The Edge…

I don’t know what to say.

I, like many of us, am in a very tough place.
Where every time it seems I will receive some kind of comfort, I have other tools or supports torn away instead;
Leaving me even worse off than before.
And I, frankly, have so little resistance to it anymore.

I am at that point where the mind overrides the body,
Where will is all that remains.
Where all of the extra things we accumulate both
In our person and in our lives
Has been cast away one by one as the
Dreck we find them to truly be.

I am in the final steps of a long and hard run race,
Always hopeful that things will change;
But knowing that, at this point, they will not.
Ever.

So……

For My Dearest Love:
Everything I have.
For my Wonderful children,
With their flaws and everything:
My Pride and Hope for the future they will help bring about.

But for my body?
Nothing.

I will no longer feed or nurture that  which is broken
Beyond all semblance of repair.
Something that returns Hate for love,
And Pain for care.

It is what it is;
No matter what I, or anyone else might
Wish it would be.

I took off the band from the hospital today.
No point in wearing it any longer.
There are *no* more options.
Game. Set. Match.
No one at the hospital wants to see me again anyway.

I have an appointment with the hernia surgeon today at ?11?.
At least Shawna will be there to hear his reasons for denying the surgery,
One more time.
Whatever it is that he can come up with.

So be it.

The *Worst* part?
The deep socket injection I get seems to be working!
Even with the *minor* narcotic pain control in,
I can feel a REAL difference.!

What a shame it came too late…..
Years too late.
Months too late.
Days too late.
At least for *me*.

It is what it is.

I am sure those around me will scramble to try and find someone to help.
Someone willing to stand up and be counted.
And I am just as sure they will fail.

There just isn’t anyone out there willing
To risk their careers over a single patient.

The DEA has made sure of that.
Their back-door war of Intimidation and Fear has led to this.
Has doctors running scared. Afraid to treat me and others like me.

And has already pre-signed the Death Certificates
For me, and for so many others of late.
People they see as a drain on the system.
Not important enough to keep alive any longer.

That’s my epitaph, I guess:
“Not important enough.”

It just is what it is.

Once more, if you find anything worthwhile on this or any of my other works that you think *might* help turn this terrible situation around, Or might be able to reach out to someone else in this terrible position, feel free to use it in its entirety. Or in parts.  Attribution isn’t necessary.  Only seeing our Cause forwarded is.

Odds are, I won’t be here to read it anyway….

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~ by daveprime on December 14, 2012.

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