Please… If you *ever* loved me….
I’m sorry I have to do things this way.
Put this on a stupid blog entry…
Instead of writing each of you that
Personal letter you all so richly deserve.
I’m sick. Really sick.
On top of all of the *other* crap….
Came on hard.
Went deep. I know the signs.
A year ago to the day this crap almost killed me.
Did kill me. For all real intents and purposes.
I have just been dancing on since then.
Too stubborn to give up.
If I could have *one* wish,
It would be to throw a big party,
And introduce all of the loving, kind, supportive
Friends I have met along this journey to each other.
Bind them so tightly together that *nothing* could break them apart!
I should have been doing this months ago.
I have been selfishly hoarding your love
Like the finest treasure.
Your tender care and honest souls,
Held tightly against my hurting heart…
But I just don’t have time for that anymore.
Sit here in tears…
My greatest regret that I have somehow failed you all.
Failed to bind your hearts together against the darkness.
Failed to tell you each how much I love and treasure your words.
Your hearts. Your minds.
How I *want* more than anything else,
To guard and protect you.
Keep you from *ever* feeling or being
It his terrible place I find myself in.
Over the past few weeks I have tried to make amends.
Tried to make things right.
Tried to seek you all out and tell you personally.
How much you have helped me. Every Damn day.
But I find I ….
Have so *many* friends. So many loving souls.
Holding me here…
And my only wish is that you each find and do
No less for each other than what you have done for me.
That is just going to have to be enough.
*Will* be enough.
To guard you through the long hours of pain and darkness.
If you have *ever* loved me. Cared for me.
Helped carry my burden of love.
Help each other too.
You are each too precious not to.
You can trust each other.
That will have to do as a start.
I don’t have *time* to do things “right”.
Besides, “Down and dirty”
Has always been my style. *evil grin*
Care for each other.
Make me proud to call you my friends.
Make the extra effort.
For me… and for each other….