At The Closing Of The Year…
At The Closing Of The Year
One of my favorite songs has the line
“If I cannot Give you Comfort, then at least I give you hope…”
Isn’t that the only ’real’ thing we all really have?
Hope that we will be better off financially…
Hope we will somehow get ‘better’ physically…
Hope those we love will stay close and safe….
This year has really put me through the ringer. I had my hopes up and was a hair’s breadth away from getting employed again after a decade. This was something that I had hoped for and feared for a very long time. I could almost taste it! The fear? That I would NOT be able to do it after all!
Turns out I have been secretly sick for some time. So sick that the doctors had no real hope that I would make it to Thanksgiving. Or Christmas. Yet I persist. Knowing the hurt my being gone would cause those I so dearly love, I hang on every single day.
Not that I get to ‘choose’ my passing, mind you. But I do all of the things the doctors recommend to stick around. For the most part, I get the feeling they are , themselves, just guessing. But I persist. Every day.
Through the pain, the heartache, the dull routine of breathing and heart beating, though I haven’t yet figured out all of the reasons to do so. After all, there are 6 BILLION other souls on this mud ball. Each and every one believing they are some kind of “special snowflake”. When, in reality, we are all VERY much the same. We hope. We dream. We hurt. We cry. We give and receive solace. Love. Pleasure.
Perhaps, though, that’s all I really have to do, persist. Hang on hopefully for some sort of miracle or change in circumstances that will free me from my poverty or pain or health issues. Persist in the belief in and the love I share with my Most Needed Person.
Some days, that has to be enough, I guess.