A Moment In Time…

Every moment of the day,
I am caught between two things.
A ragged weeping wound on one side,
And a glimmering doorway calling my name on the other.

I bounce between the two trying my damnedest
Not to give in to either one.
The mindless howling of agony,
Or the silent, final, running away.

I pour music into my screaming skull,
Attempting to drown out the tears and pain.
And my companion and loved ones have to shout
Merely to be heard.

Hot tears course down my cheeks,
Cutting swaths of anger and humiliation.
Every move made, too little.
Every job done, not complete.

I can almost make the pain go away,
But at the cost of everything I am and love.
The price is too high.
The good not quite good enough.

So I pirouette in place,
To the music of my bleeding soul.
The sizzling drops of my blood,
Keeping tempo to the life around me.

Pretending that all the little things,
Actually mean anything to me.
Really only thinking
Of the number of minutes until my next dose of Morphine.

I’m just a hollow shadow of who I’ve been.
A pale reminder of the man who once filled my shoes.
And everything I attempt to do is
Never. Good. Enough.

~ by daveprime on July 23, 2010.