In the Dregs of Night
The need comes upon my soulscape like a ravenous beast,
Stalking me, hunting me, herding me.
Waiting for that perfect moment of weakness
To reach down and hit me where there is no way to block the strike.
Bleeding from a thousand screaming wounds,
I seek the only comfort I have left.
A two-edged razorblade at best;
A nightmare existence I would not put on my worst enemy.
Yet another night begins,
Wrapping itself in the shreds of my dignity and pride.
Laughing at my weakness,
It starts its run with a wink and a vicious smile.
Who knew ten hours could last so very, very long?
I used to walk miles with a pack and supplies.
I would trudge through the wilderness looking for
Nature’s next big challenge.
Now I would settle for walking to my car without wanting to swallow ground glass for relief.
I take my station, hoping tonight will be different than the rest.
Those haunting treks through my pain and soul.
Knowing that it is all just wishful thinking,
Knowing that in the end it will end up the same.
No one warned me that pain could last so very long.
That it could eat you from the inside out;
Leaving only a shattered husk,
That merely looks like whom I once might have been.
And so I face the dregs of another night,
Sure in the knowledge that I will fail once again.
Knowing I will give in and dose early;
Too weak and broken to even keep two pills at bay….