“How are you?”

“How are you doing?”
They say it, but they don’t really want a truthful answer.
They want a short, easy answer.
“I’m fine.”
“I’m doing okay.”
Something that doesn’t challenge their status quo.

“How are you doing?”
I’m frankly scared to give anyone an honest answer.
Frightened by the savage intensity of my response to the question.
The raw emotions it brings up,
The thoughts it swirls past my brain.

“How are you doing?”
The demons that torment me just sit back and laugh.
Secure in the damage they have done
To my life,
My love,
My self.

“How are you doing?”
Sounds like such a simple question, doesn’t it?
There is no way for them to know the
Screaming that begins inside as I try to answer,
The sheer vitriolic edge it places on my consciousness.

“How are you doing?”
It makes me want to strike out.
Or fall down and cry.
That could make for an interesting conversation.
Standing in front of me while all I can do is freeze
And let the latest of a million tears run down my cheeks.

“How are you doing?”
Or maybe tell them of The Plan.
The Release.
Or any one of another dozen names I have,
For the “must-not-ever-be-mentioned”.

“How are you doing?”

I’m fine.  And you?


~ by daveprime on March 9, 2010.

5 Responses to ““How are you?””

  1. Excellent. Just exactly how I feel.

  2. Damn it Dave… why do you have to feel that way too?

  3. *bighugs*
    I can’t say I know how you feel with regards to the pain but I have been suicidal before and it did piss me off when people ask how you are and then either a) not expect a real answer or b) brush off your real answer with an ‘Oh, don’t be silly’.
    Just know that there are a lot of people here who would miss you very much if you went away 😦

  4. I can’t help it, Oppie. I know you are hurting too. I SO very wish it could change for BOTH of us. 🙂

    And thanks Nettie. You ‘get’ it. *hugs*

  5. Wow, I feel the same way. I have been stuck with that feeling for over a year now. I am no stranger to the world of depression and suicide. I started blogging so I could write about stuff without people judging. Good luck and I hope things turn around for you : )

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