A Short Note Before I Go…..Camping….

I am hurting a LOT tonight.  Found out I missed a dose of my standing pain med and, wow, it makes a difference!  Needless to say, this makes me a little crunchy and depressed.  After all, what would happen if the pills ran out?  If I couldn’t get to them? Urk.

I feel sometimes that every day is a delaying action.  Like my end is almost fore-ordained, and I am just railing against fate. *sigh*  How could it come to this? Don’t answer. I already know. (For those of you just tuning in to my whining, the answer is: I overused my body for years. I subjected it to fall after fall, and it finally broke.) I should have read the user’s manual and followed the instructions! *sigh*

Anyhow. Below you will find another example of my poetry. It pretty much sums up how I feel at times like this……

A Dark Doorway Before Me

 

I have been wounded.

And nothing will ever be the same.

The wounding started out small,

But has grown to encompass my entire world…..

.

Slowly fading are memories of walking in the sun,

Feeling the strength of life flowing through my limbs.

Almost a God,

I ruled the world around me.

.

Now I beg for crumbs of happiness at the edge of a table of pain.

Unable to reach my place,

I must now beg for another. Any other.

From the outer darkness I watch my world slowly rot and crumble.

.

Another has my position now.

A golem of drugs and pithy sayings.

I am merely an inconvenience.

A bother.

An anachronism out of place and almost out of time.

.

Everyone pretends the world is an okay place.

Filled with beauty and life and love.

I know better.

Hate. Pain. Suffering.

These are the controlling interests in my new world.

.

I shall never again walk in the sunlight,

Its warm rays banished by the creature which now rules.

Instead I am to be fed on a steady diet of

Vitriol, Humiliation, and Agony sprinkled with shame and regret.

.

All those wasted moments!

All that wasted time!

Living an illusion propped up by the fake walls of avarice and pride!

.

The dark doorway looms before me.

Yet those around me beg me to stay.

Endure another day. Or two. Or three.

Life is not as bad as I perceive it to be.

.

They say how much they :

Need me.

Want me.

Love me.

.

And then they go back out into the sunlight.

Leaving me to ponder in twilight the beckoning doorway,

In silence and unending pain……..

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~ by daveprime on July 7, 2008.

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