A Short Note Before I Go…..Camping….

I am hurting a LOT tonight.  Found out I missed a dose of my standing pain med and, wow, it makes a difference!  Needless to say, this makes me a little crunchy and depressed.  After all, what would happen if the pills ran out?  If I couldn’t get to them? Urk.

I feel sometimes that every day is a delaying action.  Like my end is almost fore-ordained, and I am just railing against fate. *sigh*  How could it come to this? Don’t answer. I already know. (For those of you just tuning in to my whining, the answer is: I overused my body for years. I subjected it to fall after fall, and it finally broke.) I should have read the user’s manual and followed the instructions! *sigh*

Anyhow. Below you will find another example of my poetry. It pretty much sums up how I feel at times like this……

A Dark Doorway Before Me


I have been wounded.

And nothing will ever be the same.

The wounding started out small,

But has grown to encompass my entire world…..


Slowly fading are memories of walking in the sun,

Feeling the strength of life flowing through my limbs.

Almost a God,

I ruled the world around me.


Now I beg for crumbs of happiness at the edge of a table of pain.

Unable to reach my place,

I must now beg for another. Any other.

From the outer darkness I watch my world slowly rot and crumble.


Another has my position now.

A golem of drugs and pithy sayings.

I am merely an inconvenience.

A bother.

An anachronism out of place and almost out of time.


Everyone pretends the world is an okay place.

Filled with beauty and life and love.

I know better.

Hate. Pain. Suffering.

These are the controlling interests in my new world.


I shall never again walk in the sunlight,

Its warm rays banished by the creature which now rules.

Instead I am to be fed on a steady diet of

Vitriol, Humiliation, and Agony sprinkled with shame and regret.


All those wasted moments!

All that wasted time!

Living an illusion propped up by the fake walls of avarice and pride!


The dark doorway looms before me.

Yet those around me beg me to stay.

Endure another day. Or two. Or three.

Life is not as bad as I perceive it to be.


They say how much they :

Need me.

Want me.

Love me.


And then they go back out into the sunlight.

Leaving me to ponder in twilight the beckoning doorway,

In silence and unending pain……..


~ by daveprime on July 7, 2008.

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